March 2011
2 posts
“Dinner is much more fun when I have no idea if you’ll be open when I get...”
– jorf darvis
“The lorem ipsum looks good.”
February 2011
24 posts
“Thanks for making your menu an automatic download of a PDF. I treasure the...”
– The Tooth Fairy
“Thanks for letting me know that I could have saved a dollar by printing your...”
– Someone who hates saving money.
“It is so cool that your online drinks menu simulates the experience of flipping...”
“Oh, you’ve called your pasta section “pastabilities?”...”
“I’m still waiting with baited breath for you to answer the email I sent to...”
– the guy who still can’t find your menu online
“This website is immensely helpful because they split every category of their...”
“I want this music to play forever.”
– Not I
“I came here for something other than your menu.”
– No one
“Yay! The link keeps *bouncing*! I love that trying to enter your website is a...”
“Thank you for making your site entirely in Flash so that you make it clear as...”
“It seems like someone at some point thought about why a person would visit this...”
– Absence of personhood
“I’m sure at least one person has watched this website intro.”
– Absolute zero
“Yes, I would love to call you to find out if my apartment is within your...”
“Good to know that your site is still under construction. I’m also glad you...”
– nobody I can even imagine
“Really, it no problem at all for me to email you for your current menu....”
“Man, I really enjoy being forced to load up Adobe Acrobat to read this...”
“It’s really helpful that you put every preparation style in quotation...”
“I was wondering if this place had an atmosphere of murmuring patrons and...”
“I love the animated “coming soon!” construction worker on the...”
“I really do enjoy having to find that cool scroll-bar you built into your Flash...”
“Sure! I’d love to make a reservation for the expensive Valentine’s...”
“I love clicking on your “Events” and “Specials” button...”
“The website says it’s best viewed with Internet Explorer 4.0. It already...”
– The nonexistent customer
“I love it when you don’t list that your delivery hours are different than...”
January 2011
82 posts
“The fact that I can’t copy and paste from, or directly link to, any page...”
– Cricket sounds
“I think it shows how unique and progressive your restaurant is when you use 90%...”
– Maybe a few hipsters…but really, no one.
“Can you tell me where I can locate gigantic photos of prime rib, goat cheese...”
“Oooooh! I can’t wait to see what’s “Coming Soon!” for...”
– Nadie
“Thank you for the looped audio music on your website. It made the time I spent...”
“There’s no need to list the price of any of the dishes, that’s not a...”
– Nomen Nudem
“Why yes, I WOULD like to register for an account so I can read your menu.”
– That guy who wants to register to read a menu.
“Smart phones are probably just a passing fad, so when you think about it, your...”
“It’s always a nice surprise when a website resizes my browser window for...”
“The beautiful butterfly animating through the restaurant’s front doors and...”
“I would love it if you’d create a map to your restaurant in Paint, without...”
– no one, anywhere
“I love not being able to find out about your restaurant on my iPhone when...”
“I sure am glad I learned the history of this place, dating back to the...”
“I’m glad you made it abundantly clear that your logo is copyrighted (in...”
“I love it when I can’t find the restaurant’s address on their...”
“Trying to view a restaurant website on a mobile phone is like going to a...”
– No human ever
“I need to know who did the upholstery.”
“When the restaurant website offers you a downloadable menu as a Microsoft Word...”
– No-one
“Best. Website. Ever.”
– Absolutely Nobody
“When an Italian restaurant’s website misspells “minestrone” as...”
“I love seeing lots of old information about special events that happened long...”
– Not even the romantic ones
“Thanks for the reminder! I’ve been meaning to install Flash 3.1 or newer...”
– No one
“I love the sexy background music. That way people think I’m on a porn...”
“I love that location and hours aren’t on your website. It’s far more...”
